Its just sad when a friendship just went downhill because of mistakes the 2 person made and also the avoidable arguments between the 2 parties. What was considered a close friendship before turned out to be pretty sour now as misunderstandings are accumulating and miscommunications are just so common at sight.. I felt like a failure for not being able to face this person like how we used to.. Though I have been human for more than 22 years now, I am still struggling with the art of interacting and also the art of maintaining a good friendship.. I know its just rare for me to keep quiet in most occasions, but this time, I just can't speak.. lost of words.. I miss those lame jokes we made, the sarcastic remarks to each other, the level of comfortable-ness with one another, the care towards one another where sky is the limit and everything we did together..
It is quite awkward to face each other at reality after everything.. But we just can't avoid each other and act like we do not know each other.. Its jus too childish and foolish.. As much as i want to be comfortable to face this person like how I used to, sometimes I just find it real hard.. Certain words that came out before this were affecting me negatively and its just not easy to forget. The fear of eye contact in the crowd where there will be moments of awkward silence in between and everything seems to be at still for that very moment just make it harder. Flashbacks like how it was played in usual dramas just running in my head.. Oh how much I miss that.. The urge of running towards that person, giving that person a big hug like how I used to with a big smile and tell that person how important and how much I appreciate that person for just being there for me is so high. But, the EGO in me.. the EGO in us.. makes us harder to communicate like the older days.. The usual 'hi', 'How are you?' and 'Bye' have become so common and I am so frustrated that I can't do better... Frustrated that our conversations have shorten so dramatically.. frustrated that sms-es are lesser and less personal..
I wanna save this friendship.. I just do not wanna lose such good friend although we have done selfish things and there are things that this person made that I have no clue of what is the reason.. I am still waiting for an answer.. I am still waiting for an explanation.. I hate this situation.. I wanna make a difference.. I do not want this awkwardness to go on.. I pray, I hope, I wish that this person is thinking of what I am thinking too.. (although i highly doubt that this person will ever bother to read my blog again..) that we want this friendship bridge to be built again.. even stronger.. even better..
Friends come and go.. I do not lack of friends.. but I miss this friend.. its just tooo stupid to let it fades away as time pass.. praying for miracles to happen.. praying for the EGO to go away.. pray that we will just hug each other and talk nicely and figure out what went wrong..
Blogging is so good for my emotional soul.. helps me to release without asking anyone to be the listener for me.. I'm loving it..
* My family saved a very lost-pittiful-tiny-malnutrition kitten from the hush dog-scratch kitten world.. anyone interested to adopt it? I hate cats.. I have to cross my legs up when i'm typing now to avoid that kitten to just manja with my legs.. GELI!!!! I can't stand cats but I also felt pitty for this tiny creature as the mum is no where to be found.. it is not even taught properly on how to groom herself!! Its grey and white.. we plan to call her panda.. but it sounds closely like Pamela.. so i objected.. name still pending.. ANOTHER GOOD REASON FOR NOT KEEPING THIS CAT IN MY HOUSE.. I HAVE A CRAZY WHITE DOG CALLED PRINCESS WHO WILL KILL THIS CAT ANYTIME IF SHE SEES IT.. SO SAVE THE POOR SOUL PEOPLE.. START ADOPTING A CAT!! HAHA..