too fast too furious?

Why wanna hinder yourself to be with someone who appreciates you so much for someone who doesn't even appreciate you?

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Why care about what other people thinks when a relationship is just between you both?

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So what if others think you are a player, as long i know you are not and that you are happy, then doesn't matter already LA...

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Only you can decide for yourself what is best for you..

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For a guy to come down all the way to singapore to accompany you after your break up is not easy lo.. even your ex also never come down before..

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All I want is you to be happy.. If this guy makes you happy and makes you feel loved and appreciated, why wanna miss your chance?

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So, you wanna cry when the guy decided to give up on you?

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You have cried for 2 weeks, isn't that long enough to heal a wound?

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Time is just numbers.. so what if others think you are moving on too fast?

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Relationship only involves you and him.. dont care about what other people think la..

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ABOVE ARE SOME OF THE STATEMENTS FROM THOSE THAT SUPPORTED ME TO TAKE THE PLUNGE.. INCLUDING MY FAMILY (my mum especially sayang him the most).. HAHAHA.. THEREFORE.. I DECIDED TO TAKE THE PLUNGE AND HOPEFULLY, PRAYERFULLY, THIS WILL BE THE LAST PLUNGE..

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p/s: this entry is inspired due to too much slammings from many people whether I'm attached again or not..

holiday..

Its 2.34am in the morning now and here I am, in the comfort of my own home, eating my instant Mee Goreng-Sambal Prawn flavour and updating my yet-again-abandoned blog.. Talking bout having life..hahaha..

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This is one huge problem about me, I get hungry very fast and I can't sleep when I'm hungry.. Ya, I know darn well that eating after midnight and before u sleep is a big NO NO for someone who needs to fit into her tiny little kebaya uniform but I get very cranky when I can't sleep too.. So, instead of rolling from left to right on my small single bed, I decided bravely to storm down my home's kitchen and satisfy my cravings for instant noodles..

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And now i'm a Happy big girl.. coz i'm no longer hungry.. hahaha..

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I just watched UP- the latest animation movie from PIXAR and it was all VERY RIDICULOUS.. from the beginning to the end.. BUT, I enjoyed it.. VERY MUCH.. Although it was really ridiculous and illogic, PIXAR has their own way to deliver a warm touching message to the people.. I went and watch with my family and all 5 of us had such a great laugh.. Its been some time as well since we went for a movie togehter.. And I'm glad that my dad was the one who insisted to watch this movie in the cinema due to all the good reviews he read from the various resources.. One thing really cute about my dad is that, he relies heavilly on the reviews of the magazines or newspaper he reads.. If the review is good, he will only consider to watch that particular movie.. If its not good, he will gladly write a list for me to buy the pirated DVDs from Shanghai.. (sshh... dont tell MSIA government that we are supporting piracy.. coz i'm sure U do too..)

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p/s: My mum reads my blog.. yes.. nowadays, our parents are getting more IN man.. dont play play.. and the best part is, she reads from my 1st entry to my last (talking bout my biggest fan).. and my sisters' blogs are not spared too.. hahahah..

think again..

A colleague of mine commented this when we were talking about people that spend so much money on branded goods:

'Why do u need to buy something that u dont need,

with the money u dont have,

to please people that u dont even know?'

Very very inspiring...

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p/s: Gosh.. time really flies.. Im in my current company for 1 year already.. and soon, I'll be trained to serve in business class... wow.. I wonder whats ahead..

Back to work, back to reality..

After almost 10 days of rest.. Recovered from fever and flu.. Still recovering super slowly from the heartbreak.. I am finally back to work.. And I was literally dragging my feet to report for work..

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I was abit slow as I was really lack of sleep and i had my leaves way too long.. Everything got so rusty and I even forgot to put my lipstick when I came out from my singapore house.. hahaha..

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I'm now in Jakarta.. Will be flying back tomorrow morning and I got to wake up like 3am or so.. I'm staying in Shangri-la now which is situated at the heart of Jakarta town.. around 1 hour from the airport..

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This hotel is way much better than the hotel we stayed last time as the latter hotel was 'haunted'.. It looks scarry and everywhere in the hotel looks dark and spooky.. Even the room itself gives me all the goosebumps.. But, so far I didn't encounter any 'good friends' when I was staying there.. I do hear alot of stories about peoples' encounter with those 'uninvited' though..

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My blog has been pretty dull.. with no pitures.. Here's some pistures that I took from my room.. The view is pretty good..

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p/s: I finally got my confirmation in my company!!! It has been a long wait!! After so many uneventful things happen in my life, I finally can see something that gives me hope.. Well, I was pretty ready to be sacked and go home (due to high mc days during probation period).. But looks like its not gonna happen any soon.. hahaha.. Thank god for everything..

I GOT A NEW LOVER...

I Have a new Lover..

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Not A boyfriend...

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But a NEW LOVER..

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A lover that will stick with me faithfully no matter what

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A lover that can be turned on anytime

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A lover that will make me happy.. Very very happy..

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Oh my WHITE LOVER..

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My new WHITE Nintendo DS..

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HAHAHAHAHA

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What were u thinking?

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p/s: Its been more than 1 week.. I think i'm moving on well.. I think I am.. this is the hardest breakup ever..

Progress..

I cried worse than a baby last night~! OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS!! Its so embarrassing.. Now that I think back.. But, I finally released.. I FINALLY RELEASED.. I didn't say much about anything.. Most of the times were my friends talking and advicing and comforting me.. And all I did was cry like a stupid silly idiot brainless baby.. (ok, theres no such baby in this world)

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It started pretty harmless.. I went to Sushi King for a very light dinner with a good old friend of mine- Ivy and I was asking about her love life more rather than letting out the frustration I had after 1 week of ignorance from HIM.. I thought I can pass through the night without any tears and I can just act cool..

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Then we went to Modestos to meet up with another 2 friends.. Eric and Cherlyn.. They were gossiping and things turn really sad (for me)when Cherlyn says 'He doesn't wanna see you at all for the time being..I'm sorry to say this, and i know u r really sad, but he just want to be left alone'.. The words that she used were blunt yet sharp.. Blunt in a way, its simple straightforward english. Sharp in a way, its like a sharp spear to my heart.. All I want was a simple meeting between me and HIM so that we can clear our piling misunderstandings and then MOVE ON.. I know he wont pick up my calls, and I tried sms him telling him all my feelings.. Be it anger, frustration and most times dissapointment.. Yet, he can't just sms me and tell me that he doesn't wanna see me.. AND he chooses to tell a third party to pass the message to me.. It hurts.. I just dont understand how can he treat me this way?

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Then, I just shut up.. almost the whole night.. Until Ivy pull me up from my chair and told me she wanted to talk to me.. That is when I broke down.. LITERALLY.. I really cried.. In front of public.. I can't believe it.. But i can't control it.. All the things that the rest said were true but hurtful. I can't deny the fact.. It all right in front of me..

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People must be thinking I'm some weird maniacs.. crying in a business centre like a baby. But it was really a release.. I didn't know I needed it.. Ivy's hug and encouragement were so warm that I just can't control myself and act like everything was fine anymore.. Its not fine.. I love him, I miss him, I know i'm wrong, I tried to fix it.. But he IGNORED..

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What Ivy said was right, if he doesn't give a damn about u anymore, why must you torture yourself like that? Do u think its worth it? You have tried any possible ways to reach him, and he doesn't even bother to respond, maybe he's happily sleeping at home while u r suffering here, he doens't even bother to care, just let it go.. U deserve someone much better..

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Gosh, thats something I've been hearing and tried so hard to convince myself.. I just feel very unfair.. People make mistakes, why am I not given a chance to patch it back.. So fast, he just set the punishment for me.. ITS NOT FAIR...

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From Modesto to the bench in front of Starbucks and then back to Modestos.. My tears never stop.. Even after Eric has drove me to the front of my house, I told him I need time to cool off before I enter my house.. That was like 11pm already..

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Then I decided to go back.. because Eric has been babysitting me too much and he needs to work the next day.. I appreciate his effort and felt guilty for troubling him every since I broke off with HIM.. THANK YOU SO MUCH ERIC AND really sorry to trouble you the whole night.. I really appreciate it and no more drunk crazy sad nights for me..

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I thought i was calm when i get back.. But the moment I saw my mum at the door.. I broke down even worse.. Mum was shock and just hugged me.. She never say anything but asked me a few questions.. I never reply and just concentrate on my cying.. I was a little tipsy as I never had enough sleep for the pass few days and the beers that I swallowed really kicks in already..

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Today, I felt much better.. But I can't help longing to have a peep on him to see how is he or hoping he will at least call to say sorry for being such a jerk ignoring and AVOIDING me..

It didn't happen but I believe everything happens for a reason.. Maybe he's really done with me.. He wants to be alone or maybe he has found someone who can be there for him all the time.. Maybe he realises this long distant thing is not suitable for him.. I thought my life was perfect.. Happy supportive family, good money flying career and a darling that loves me with unconditional love.. I might be in the midst of losing my job.. I dont know.. it doesn't really affect me coz I can always come back to malaysia and find a job and now I lost him.. I dont know how long I need to stand on my own feet again..

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I know they are not reading.. but Dad n mum, I'm really sorry for making you worry.. I really dont mean to.. But I couldnt' hold on to it anymore as his plain ignorance really hurt me to the max.. and sorry for drinking so much and not giving me lecture about it.. Amanda, thanks for not asking anything and just be there for me with the tissue box.. Jessica, I know you are worried bout me, but I'm fine.. Eric, thanks for being the driver of the night and your reminder about who's more important in my life.. Cherlyn, thanks for being just there although I can't really remember what you have said.. And most important of all, IVY, i love you babe.. I know you have your own issues, yet u stayed up for me.. I really can't thank you more..

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I know i've said this before.. But I have to keep reminding myself coz I will always forget..

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TIME TO MOVE ON (dont miss him dont miss him dont miss him)

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p/s: seriously.. I think true love is really full of bullshit and crap right now..

75%-25%

I'm currently waiting for the boarding of my flight at Terminal 1, Singapore Changi Airport.. 75% of me is desperate to go back to the comfort of my home where my family and friends are there to welcome me home.. But, theres another 25% of me thats really reluctant to go back.. Going back to KLIA.. The place where WE started.. The place where we exchange promises and commitment that we will stay faithful and love and appreciate one another..

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Not forgetting.. passing by his house each and everytime I go back home.. Haihz..

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Heavy rain just subsided in Singapore here.. The floor outside is wet and it really brings my spirit down.. Its so funny that my world has turned upside down ever since I sms him 'Lets walk seperate paths, since u just ignore me'.. It was me who initiated.. but looks like its me who's regreting it and really sad about it..

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I'm determined to move on, i'm determined to change for the better..

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But its dam tough..

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I need a nice drink.. release and unleash the crazy me.. Klang.. Here I come..

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p/s: Darn, I'm hungry.. I thought I just had my lunch.. I'm gaining back my appetite.. Yeah.. but no more flat tummy..