Monday, April 21, 2008

Everything starts with a FIRST..

She took a big breath before entering the restaurant that she has chosed in the brightly lighted shopping complex.. She still feels concern about herself and looking around as the people walking by.. Her mum was right, she was too caught up with so many friends in her life and she needs to take some time off and just be alone for awhile.. Having friends is not a bad thing.. but being alone once a while to 'detox' the brain is good for the soul. She doesn't understand how other people in the world can just eat in a restaurant alone while watching couples cuddling or people chatting away (loudly) with their friends.. Her friends can even go and watch a movie in a cinema alone!! She just can't do it.. ALONE..

She's been feeling all stressed up lately with her boss demanding more from her and more reports are required to be completed, she felt misserable with all the things happening in her life and she just do not want to tell her friends fearing that they might think that she's some depressing little chicken who just can't appreciate what God has given her. She felt contented with what she has, but at the same time she felt empty.. Empty because there's no goals in her life right now she wants to accomplish, empty because of the failed relationships she has, empty because she's tired and just don't feel like doing anything, and empty because she's not sure whether what she wants is right for her or not. She need some time alone in a place where no one knows her (and she can't find anyone that knows her) and she can do what she loves best- Reading her new found love- 'PS, I love you' by Cecelia Ahern (which she always imagined as 'Pamela Soo, I love you'.. secretly..) in a quiet and peaceful surrounding..

She surveyed the menu that was placed on top of the counter in front of the French-like restaurant and decided that this will be it.. The waitress greeted her politely as she walked in and handled her a menu for her to browse through as she sits down comfortably on the couch.. She ordered a Grilled salmon (which claims to come with creamy mashed potato and steamed vege) and her all time favourite western tea- English Breakfast and waited for the waitress to repeat the order before she continues her reading.. Anticipating to know the ending but appreciating the skillful writting of Cecelia.

Her mum was right, eating alone doesn't mean you are a sad old woman who has no company and eating alone can be quite stress-free as you do not have to ask around your company what they would like to eat and which restaurant they would like to go. You can just go anywhere you like and eat whatever you want. She told her mum that she feels bad seeing people eating alone in restaurants as she feels that they might feel lonely. Now she knows that she was wrong..

A tall,dark not quite bad looking waiter asked her politely whether is it ok for him to clear the empty plate in front of her when she was flipping the page of her book. She smiled at him politely and nodded. The food was quite good but the fish was a little too thick for her liking.. But she loves the mashed potato and forced herself to finish the big pile of it.. She was and is enjoying her alone time and it doesn't seem that bad.. It might not be a big deal for most people, but it is a big deal for her as she has never eaten in a restaurant alone in her entire 22 years of life.. Let alone sitting in a restaurant for more than 1 hour!! She rather 'tah bau' her food back home or she rather starve most of the time if there's noone accompanying her to eat...

She paid the bill which came up to an amount she did not expected.. But the ego and pride in her has take charged of her facial expression and she just place the money on the tray that was on the waiter's hand. She walked out of the restaurant feeling all fresh and new, giving herself a pat on her shoulder and was pretty proud of herself. Eating alone wasn't that bad and sad as she thought after all.. She did something she has never done before and she knows, in few months time, (if all things are according to what she expects) chances of her eating alone outside will increase drastically..


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