Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I wanna be a kid back..

When I was a baby..
All I can do was 'ma-ma' here and 'pa-pa' there.. I don't even know how to walk properly and always bang the wall because I do not know how to stop...
I wished I can be an older kid so that I can tell my parents I do not like to have liquid food everyday and I wanna try solid food like what they always have..

When I was a kid..
All I can do was cry whenever things don't go my way and play with my toys.. I don't know what life really is and my grandparents were still there pampering me..
I wished I can go to primary school because I'm bored playing the same old toys and I want to have my own pocket money to buy food in those cool canteens I always see on tv.. Solid food rocks!!!

When I was a student in primary school..
All I can do was study hard to be in the top class and learn how to speak/write/read mandarin which I've never been exposed to.. All I know is I have to do my homework, or else my teachers will spank me real hard..
I wished I can go to secondary school because I wanna have long hair (chinese schools don't allow gals to have long hair and we all have the same mushroom-look-alike hairstyle) and I hated mandarin.. Its makes my report card red.. Canteen food was boring and dull...

When I was a student in secondary school..
All I can do was to ask my parents for money whenever I need them and be the joker in the class.. I was rebelious and pretty hard to be tamed.. Hahaha..
I wished I can go to college so that I can work part time and have my own money and study things that I want.. I dont like having long hair.. because its so hard to take care..

When I was a college kid..
All I can do was to study a course that I feel its most suitable for me (business) and will be able to help me to eat in the future.. I fell in love with not so suitable people.. I learned about life after school..
I wished I don't need to study anymore because lectures were boring, assignments are tiring and working life looks so cool.. Working part time and studying full time at that time is just so hard with the commitments I have in church.. Too many things to do.. so little time..

Now that I'm officially an adult..
I have to face the reality of life.. no turning back and be responsible for whatever decisions I've made for myself.. I can't go back to parents if I think I'm lack of cash and I have to be independent..I have to clean of the mess I did unintentionally and be very careful whenever I wanna speak.. Colleagues will not be as nice as how my friends were and customers might not be as nice as you think they should be.. Skincares are topping up my dressing table because it is essential for a WOMAN to take good care of her appearance.. and I attend more weddings than birthday parties nowadays.. I FEEL OLD...
I wished I can go back to my kiddo time.. where I can just play with my Barbie dolls and eat without worrying about how fat I'm going to be after swallowing a long tube of OREO's all by myself (dipped with fresh milk).. My parents will kiss me to sleep at nights and give me chocolates when i cry.. My grandparents will still be here with me and sayang/manja me like how they used to before they pass away few years back.. ( I miss them sooooooo much)

But.. Its impossible.. Time wont turn back.. I (we) have to look forward and march ahead.. So much ups and downs (more of downs) in life we have to face whether we like it or not.. sometimes I feel lost.. sometimes I wish I can just cry out loud.. Sometimes.. I just want a big hug.. Sometimes I miss those things I did before with my family/friends/someone in the world.. I know the realities in life but sometimes I just wish I don't know what I know and be dumb dumb.. I'm just being quite EMO now.. forgive me..


celina said...

Hey, y la so emo? i understand how u feel and I knw if not all, majority of us always want to grow up faster and once we reach there we are nt contented with what we knw and what we are....

Read this book.."Tuesday with Morrie." It's very inspiring and he said tat as a human, always live the age that we are and live it to the fullest so that when we grow old, we would not regret..

Cheers sis :)

PENNY?? said...

hey.. when ever you need a shoulder to lean on, some one to hug.. remember, i'll be here for you.. love u loads sis.. take care :D