shattered...

A very good fren of mine told me this:

-

"a person worth your tears will never make u cry, and a person who makes u cry is not worth your tears..."

-

He keeps reminding me that and i really understand it.. but how many of us could actually live with it?

-

Yesterday I was down with fever, life was like hell.. Panadol was like my new BFF (best friend forever) Stuck in my small little room in singapore, worrying that my mc will affect my career, heart not only broken, but torn to pieces, and my mind is all occupied about him..

-

It was hard.. I barely sleep well.. took me 3 hours to roll on the bed, sleep for 2 hours and then I'm awake again.. for no reason.. I can't deal with it.. I was wrong to say 'lets just walk our seperate paths' but I felt so hurt by all his doings, that's why i was so mad.. But he doesn't understand.. he thinks its my fault.. that i put both of us into such torture.. U think i want it?

-

I can't deal with it until someone told me.. that HE actually told her.. he doesn't want to have anything to do with me right now.. He just want peace, he just wanna be alone.. I was SHATTERED..I cant believe he can say that.. I dont know how to face the reality.. My nose keeps running, cough never ending.. and my heart is sharreted and burned.. I've never felt so horible in my life..

-

Yes, i've been through many breakups.. but none is as bad and as hurting as this.. Away from all my family and good friends.. I felt like end of the world.. I really need to do something.. but I do not have the energy.. 1 bowl of fish porridge, took me 2 meal times to finish it.. Gone were my hearty appetite and my really piggy sleeping habits..

-

What happened to all the love and promises? What happened to all the sweet memories? What happened to all our dreams and plans? Just because I said something wrong, he deleted everything from his mind.. He keeps assuming that we will argue if he calls but he didn't even try.. ITS NOT FAIR..Its so hurting to be treated like dirt by someone u care so much for the past few months.. Its so dissapointing to see someone give up on you just like that.. But, i wanna get over it.. He wants me out of his life, fine.. I will make his wish come true.. I need to get over it.. If he doesn't appreciate me, after all the patch-up efforts i've done, I got nothing to say at all... I'm really tired.. Mentally, physically and literally...

-

Thanks to all my friends that were and still are with me.. I thought LOVE is most powerful but I was so naive to believe that kind of crap.. I dont know when I have the guts back to fall in love again.. I told Wah Jiang, I may wanna turn lesbian, since men always like to hurt girls so much.. hahaha.. But I can't imagine myself kissing a girl.. feels quite wrong (for me personally).. No hard feelings to all the gays and lesbian out there ya.. I still respect u guys..

-

Love is nothing (at least to me now and for few months n years to come), Friendship rules and on top of that, FAMILY is the best.. i just can't wait to go home.. to a place where i can feel secure.. a place where I have a shoulder to lean on.. I'm really tired.. I really need a break.. i really do.. my life was all about him so much that everyone suspects that I'm in love with him more than he does to me.. i hope that is not true.. but i guess the reality has its own say...

-

I'm so embarrased with myself.. i thought i can patch things up.. but he dont give a damn anymore.. Now only i know.. all the stupid silly calls i made that he ignored.. I feel so dumb now..

-

I need to be not myself just one day.. I wanna try something that I never try before.. I just wanna release myself.. and look forward for a better day to come..

-

p/s: I'm sorry for being such a whinny person to some of my friends.. U know who u are.. and thank you for being so supportive and not forsaking me at this time.. pls give me some time.. at least 3 months.. sorry...

In order to get distracted..

I went to Orchard Road today to meet a friend and we went to Far East Plaza(FEP) where Singaporeans claimed it to be the Singapore Sungai Wang Plaza.. The reason is, I cannot stay in my singapore house as I will really think too much.. I need some distractions.. There are many small little shops in FEP and are sold in affordable prices (compared to those high end brands along Orchard Road).. I didn't plan to buy ANYTHING but ended up overspent..
-
I bought 2 dresses, 2 leggings, 2 long necklaces, The little Nyonya DVD series (singapore famous drama), 1 blouse, 2 story books and 4 packets of tissue from an old lady that cost me s$2.. and oh.. not forgetting the lunch, tong sui and dinner as well...
-
When you are not in a very good mood and you wanna get yourself distracted, NEVER GO OUT OF YOUR HOUSE IN SIGAPORE THINKING U WILL NEVER BUY ANYTHING especially during this GREAT SINGAPORE SALE..
-
ITS A BAD IDEA!!! BAD HORRIBLE IDEA....

-

p/s: I dont know how long I can take this but 2 days seem like 2 weeks long.. I miss you..

Interesting people..

I was working my way up to Shanghai and it was a day flight..

As usual, smile on your face for my kind of job is a MUST YES thing.. Passengers were restless and hyper, many demands were attended..

-

An elderly couple (confirmed above age 50) looked at me and smile at me after I served them their hot chinese tea.. I strike a friendly conversation with them and got to know that they just came back from a holiday at Bali.. I told them, I wanna go Bali too but time doesn't permits..

-

After meal service, elderly man signaled me.. I went to them and they told me that they really enjoyed the flight and that me and my colleagues have provided an extraordinary good service and they trully appreciate it.. I told them thank you and felt so proud..

-

Elderly man told me they wanna take me as their god-daughter.. I AM PLEASENTLY SURPRISED!!! This is definitely something very very new for me.. They told me i spoke really good mandarin and that they really like me alot.. I told them i am really honoured..

-

Elderly lady passed me a piece of paper with her fine chinese writing with her house address, names of them both and their contact numbers.. I was still stunned with whats happening and dont really know how to react.. They told me to keep in touch with them and asked for my numbers.. I gave them my numbers and also email address and she said that she can ask her daughter to drop me an email as they are going to Shanghai to visit her.

-

I went back to work with the piece of paper on my hand.. Delighted.. I've never felt so appreciated since I started this work.. I am thrilled that now I have god-parents from CHINA.. wahahahaha.. But after much thoughts, I decided to go back to them and give them my malaysia address.. They told me they love to write and wouldn't mind to write letters to me.. COOL!!!

-

We briefly talked about our family and both of them have a pair of children (a male and a female)who are older than me and happily married. At least, I know this is not another passenger who's trying to match make me with their son. Phew.. They even showed me the picture of my new 'sister' and invited me to go to their house to stay, if I ever travel to that part of China.

-

It was really cool and although I have came back from Shanghai and resting in singapore now, I am still excited about the whole thing. But I dont really know what I should do.. Should I wait for them to call or should i take the initiative to contact them.. Since they wanted me to become their god-daughter, i think I should just stick around and see what happens..

-

I have CHINESE god-parents.. I have a reason to go CHINA for holiday.. wee....

-

p/s: I am still stunned by the fact that the self-proclaimed King of Pop, the late Michael Jackson has passed away due to cardiac arrest.. I'm not a big fan of him but definitely appreciate some of his music works.. He was only 50.. He achieved so much, yet hasn't achieve many other things that he can in the future.. This teaches me a lesson, money is not everything and it definitely can't buy u life. Whats the point of having so much money, but u can't bring them with you when u pass away? Rest in peace, Michael Jackson..

funny facts..

Although my homesick desease is still very very serious after staying in singapore for almost 1 year now.. i can't help but to thank god on the opportunities i have to travel around the world and to see different culture.. Its pretty much a culture shock most of the time but i list them as fun facts around the world for now:

-In Dubai, female sits at the front portion of the bus and males have to sit at the back portion of the bus. If you are a couple, u have to be seperated throughout the bus journey. Unless you are married (and carries your marriage certificate with u), husband can stand beside wife while she sits. Male and female sitting together is a big NO NO... When the bus has no females at all, male can occupy the front portion of the bus. But, once theres a female on board, the males have to move your ass..

-In USA, after you have finished the mouth-watering fattening-ass meal, you ask for the bill. At the bottom of the bill, there will be a tipping guide where they will 'politely' ask for tips which 5% of your total bill is the most basic you 'should' give. Most common, 5%, 8% and 10%. I dont know what is the consequences of not tipping but its definitely a 'must do' culture in USA.

-In EGYPT.. unlike USA, they do not have tipping guide.. But they are more daring! Whatever service you hire that involves a local, at the end of the day, the local will not leave u alone unless you tip that person. If the local thinks that tip you gave is too low, that local will have no problem telling you that, he/she wants more.. So, if you want to sight see in Egypt, prepare to spend a fortune just to tip the locals.

-In Holland, prostitution and drugs are LEGAL! When you walk on the streets of the famous 'Red District', there will be pretty babes winking at you behind the windows of the 'shops'.. Even during winter season, they will be wearing only sexy lingerie and flirting with their eyes to the passer-bys.. There are cafes selling weed coffees 24-7 and they sell weed seeds and sex toys in souvenior shops..

ok, thats all for the moment as I'm abit bored facing the computer for almost 3 hours in the hotel room, stuck in Johannesburg.. I'm 6 hours behind Malaysia and singapore and I just can't wait to go home.. Its tiring but its all worth it..

Till the next funny facts.. adios!

P/s: PSP or nintendo ds lite? OR should I get a digital camera 1st as I can't find my missing PENTAX digital camera after almost 2 months already...

Finally the blogger in me kicks in...

Its been a long time since I last updated my poor ignored-by-me blog.. I'm really sorry.. I've been caught up by alot of unexpected things and of course the lazy bug.. I'm now stuck in Dubai for the 4th time since my-only-7-months flying career and alot of my friends thought that I should really consider marrying a super rich middle east man since I travel to middle east so often.. (not forgetting my 3 times Abu Dhabi experiences as well) Sorry guys, my heart is all for one klang guy only.. hahaha...

Anyway, many things have happened since feb (my last update) and the best experience was the opportunity to travel to Egypt (which I'm goin again in 3 days time) last month. Oh, not forgeting my encounter with the sick godess in me after that trip which I fell so ill that I could not walk out of the bed.. Down with fever, food poisoning and also fungus desease on my palms.. talking bout 'good luck'..

It was really an eye opener for me to discover the mysterious Egypt and also to mingle with the locals there.. Egypt is so BROWN.. literally.. most of their buildings are just plain brown in colour and there's basically no sky scrapers or any other kind of colourful buildings. The roads are poorly-maintained and the people there drive like the maniacs on the streets of India. If you have a weak heart, please do not ever consider driving on the streets of these 2 countries..

If you have my facebook account, you will be able to see the pictures I took when I was there.. Due to the really inconvenient way of uploading the pictures on this blog, you wont be able to see any pics here as there were too many pics too upload... SORRY again..

If you think that your own country is really that bad that you just can't wait to migrate to somewhere where the grass is greener, U will change your mind once u step foot into Egypt (or even India).. The people here are struggling to earn a living as there were so much competition in everything they do.. From taxi to the food industry.. Everywhere we go, they just try their best to capture our attention to buy their products or services.. They always expect some tips (in the form of $ka-chings$) from us and if we dont tip according to their expectations, they will not hessitate to demand for more.. U can say they are really 'thick skin' but I really do pity them as the living condition here is really not as comfortable as where I came from and they are just struggling in the dog-eat-dog world..

Egypt is really a nice place to visit at least once in your life time and you will learn that the grass is not always greener on the other side.. Of course, dont miss out the magnificent glorious huge Giza pyramids where till now, still takes my breath away.. Really respect the ancient people for building those pyramids.. *go check out the pics on my facebook*

p/s: I have Johannesburg, Incheon, San Francisco, Shanghai to go next month.. Yeepee!!!!! Can't wait can't wait.. but that means.. I have only 4 days to be in Klang only.. darn..

The young and innocent times..

So many things have happened recently that I can't help but to miss my young, naive, innocent and maybe stupid times when I was still a toddler that barely knows how to spell AEROPLANE.. Here are some of the thoughts that used to irritate me so much that now I find myself laughing..

- I used to think traffic lights have this invisible barrier to block cars from moving whenever they turn red.. I just dont understand why all cars stop when the light turns red.. SO powerful?

- I thought cats are female and dogs are male.. they make out and make more cats and dogs..

- I used to thought that Malaysia is the world! The sky seems to end at certain point and if I were to ask papa to drive me till the end of Malaysia, I can touch the bottom of the sky.. Yeepee!

- I wished Santa Claus was real coz papa mama can't afford the toys I wanted so much..

- I always worried that the sun, moon and stars will drop on me one day.. coz.. there's nothing attached to them and they are just floating..

- I always picture heaven to be somewhere super fun.. with loads of sinful food for you to eat and tonnes of toys for u to play..

- I really thought DORAEMON was real at one point! And hoped that he will come out from any drawers in my house and lend me all those cool gadgets..

- I seriously think that POWER RANGERS and ULTRAMAN are real too.. And just dont understand why those monsters only attack this place call USA and Japan only.. why they never appear in malaysia and say hi to me.. coz i really wanna meet Power Rangers..

Ya, those are just some of the stupid naive things I thought way back then.. Laugh la.. laugh!!

p/s: I will be going to ABU DHABI again next month.. this is gonna be my 3rd time man!!! wahaha... maybe i should just find a rich man there to date.. since I go there so often.. and its always 6-8 days stay.. JUST KIDDING!!! I like pure klang meat ok!!!

CNY gone.. just a blink of an eye..

Yet another sleepless night in Singapore again.. Ever since I step into Singapore, I have no idea how many sleepless nights I had already.. Totally lost count.. From doing my laundry, cook a bowl of noodles to feed my hunger, dancing alone in the living hall like there's no tomorrow, to watching 'Everybody loves Raymond'- Season 1.. until now.. 4.59am.. I still can't sleep.. Darn...

Time really flies.. One moment I was all EMO in San Francisco alone because I wasn't able to celebrate Christmas with my family back in klang like I always do.. Another moment.. 15 days of CNY have ended.. for Hokkien people, it ended on the 9th day.. even shorter..

I managed to 'sneak' back home after my Amsterdam flight during CNY for 3 short days to spend time with my family and friends. I really had a great time and certain things came up much better than what I've expected.. Sorry to most of my friends that I wasn't able to meet during that time.. will make it up to you in my future trips! (IVY, yes, you are one of them!!)

Here are some camwhore pics that me and my best-est Buddies took in my house.. Mind you, i've never been such a poser in my life before.. all for their sake! hahaha.. I treasure these pics so much that I feel I just need to leave them in my blog for memory purpose..

1st pic of the day.. not so good as we were just warming up..

From left: Yong Hong in blue, Hui Fung in orange (she claims to be orang-y pink), Mua in black and white and Sau Kin- My best friend in yellow..

Then we got high.. we did 2nd shot.. then 3rd.. then 4th..

We changed location.. and theme.. Salsa style..

Then we get comfy with the sofa.. And they said my foot spoil the whole pic.. I think its unique!

Then I put my feet on solid ground..

Trying to be serious, imitating some TVB drama featuring loads of superstars..

But still fail.. Hui Fung claims that she looks ugly on pics if she doesn't smile.. So, she insists must smile!! Then we give up...

It was an awesome time we had! Its been a long time since 4 of us actually came out and talk and just do crazy things together!! I've never realise how much I miss them till all of them left my house for respective dinners with family.. Hui Fung, Yong hong, Sau kin, if you guys are reading this, pls do meet up as much as possible with me ya!!!!! Love you guys!!!

p/s: Valentine is coming.. I still hate the fact that this day is so over-commercialised and what's the big deal about it?????????????????? Do you know that flowers and chocolates and dinners actually cost more than twice on that day compared to normal days? ITS RIDICULOUS!!! Couples alert, RECESSION IS HITTING EVERY INCH OF THE EARTH HARD!!!