those down down moments..

Have you ever encouter moments where you feel that you have done your best in certain situation but the result is just so discouraging or dissapointing? If you never encounter, pls do tell me what is your recipe of succeeding in everything u did.. I will call you my SIFU.. really.. No JOKE!!! Being the most ordinary gal (or should i call myself lady? no.. it doesn't sound right.. i prefer to be labelled as gal still) any ordinary gal can be.. I always encounter such situations..

Lately, I felt a little discouraged (ok.. not a little.. alot)with things around me.. Well, who doesn't? Job, relationships, random day to day stuff etc.. It seems like things never go according to how i prefer it to be. When things like these happen, we always like to ask 'God, why me?'.. It is just too easy to point the finger to God when things don't go our way.. At least for me.. I do blame God sometimes for putting me through those emotional/ physical torture. Life is never easy especially when you grow up and have more responsibilities. Life is no more about competing who has the nicest Barbie dolls or who's dad is the greatest.. life is more about how to achieve good grades without studying too hard or how to impress your boss with the most little effort..haha

Sometimes we do feel that we do not deserve that kind of treatment that we are getting after all that we have done but the fact is, that is what we are getting! Live with it or try to improve it/ do something with it if you are not happy with the outcome.. Its always harder to live with it coz our 'kiasu' spirit always ask us to fight and get what you deserve. But in the end, we feel even more dissapointed because things turn out to be worse.. Many times I tried to live with it or just forget it because i do not have the energy to persevere anymore but really 'boh kam muan' (don't feel fair in hokkien) man.. I'm doing all the job yet i'm the one suffering.. what good i get? Why should i do it in the first place? Nobody appreciates what.. *angry*

At this point of time, having some good friends or even your siblings or even your parents by your side is really helpful for the scenario. Trust me! I know men (as in the male species) have this ego deep hidden inside them that they won't tell anyone when they are really down but no harm trying right? Anyway, thank god for people that care for you.. These kind of times are the best times to really know who cares for you.. I'm always amazed on how my family and friends can notice my slightest change in my day to day emotions. At the end of the day when you look back, things weren't that bad if you look at the other side and knowing that you are not alone..(at least you know now that PamSoo is always in the same club as you) I always see the cup as half empty but never realise that the cup is half full (u know what i mean?).

It is not wrong to think negatively when obstacles come along the way.. we are humans not God.. but never dedicate yourself into the 'i'm so pityful' world too long until the people around your get so sick with your emos (short for Emotions). I believe we have to set our limits on our emotions as failures/dissapointments/discouragements come and go almost everyday (for me, its like everyday thing!!). They just love to visit us as Devil is never failing to put us down. Do something you like or enjoy when you are down.. get yourself distracted like how i'm doing right now by blogging and crapping all the way.. Talk to your mama/papa/ korkor/jiejie/ frens/pets.. whoever or whatever that makes you happy. If you are rich enough and you just encounter a major failure, go for a short trip.. Beaches are always a great getaway.. for me now, going out with a friend for a drink and have a great laugh is good enough coz the fact is i can't even afford a short trip. Thanks Grace for accompanying me and thanks to Jess and Amy for being good listening ears. Just got back from a good indian food hours ago with Grace and i'm still feeling bloated.. Food makes me happy.. Counter strike makes me happy..Looking at curly hair hot hunks makes me happy.. music makes me happy.. my dog drives me crazy.. haha..

Seriously, i think i'm crapping over here.. but who cares.. its my blog anyway.. haha.. thanks to all of you who were concern about me in msn.. i really appreciate it. I will try not to be emo anymore.. at least for tomorrow.. haha..Time to sign off.. good night earthlings!

Daddy and mummy.. Happy 23rd anniversary...

I do not have much time now.. but just wanna post something to open this new year..or else people will be complaining that I do not update my blog.. haha.. Its already the 2nd of January but I still wanna wish my parents Happy ANNIVERSARY!!!! (i was stuck in Penang with no internet access k) They got married on 1/1/1985 and survived a long 23 years of marriage.. I really salute them!!! They are still so in love with each other and i'm so jealous to see them like that! Do you know that my dad still holds my mum hand whenever we go out? Do you know that they will have date (without 3 of us monkeys of course!) once in a blue moon like going out for a romantic nice dinner then followed by a nice movie? My dad will always bring my mum to new places that he discovered or bring her shopping even though he hates it..My mum will cook my dad's favourite Peanut 'tong sui' just for him even though she was tired after a long days work..I think all these small things are some of the ways to keep the marriage alive! They are always sarcastic to each other (thats where we 3 sisters get our sarcasm from.. blame them.. haha)but you know they just love each other and enjoy teasing with one another..

They of course, like any other married couples have their downfalls throughout the years and it is never easy to raise 3 children, but they hold on to their promises they made to one another 23 years back and build up the family they have today! If they do not have 3 monkeys to raise, i think they should have been billionairs by now.. They sacrificed alot for the family and for each other..It is because of my parents that make me so looking foward for a marriage of my own.. I am so looking foward for starting my own family.. but right now, i do not even have a right candidate.. sad but true.. (anyone interested, pls send your resume plus 3R close up picture to this blog and you will be notify in 14 days should you be selected.)

My parents won't be reading my blog but i just wanna tell the whole world that i love them so much and words just can't describe how much i appreciate them and how much i thank god for putting me under their care! May god bless their marriage and may their love for one another will just grow each passing day! That's my prayer for them everytime I have some 'chit chat' with GOd. They might not be the perfect parents, but i'm not the perfect kid as well.. Daddy, mummy, u both rock my world!!! (i don't think they will like how i put it.. )

Oh.. another thing.. Congratulation to my sis-Amanda for scoring straight As in PMR.. Amanda, i'm so proud of you!!! You did the impossible!! haha.. me and Jessica will definitely not able to score staright As coz we are just.. well.. lets say..we are just very distracted people.. we rather spend time killing people (i'm talking about Counter Strike k.. )haha.. You did a great job and keep up the good work dear!!! May all your dreams and ambitions come true according to God's timing!!! I love you and yes.. i owe you an encouragement gift.. will get something nice for you if I happen to have the mood to go shopping k..

To the rest of you.. HAPPY (belated) NEW YEAR~!!! It has been great to know all of you and thank you so much for being there for me all these time.. i will thank all of you one by one in my next post coz now i'm signing out.. bye!!!!!

Tests, quizzes.. interesting..

Came across some pretty interesting quizzes while I was reading my sis-Jessica's blog.. Here are the results for you to know me better..

You Can Hang With the Guys and the Girls

You've struck a good balance between girlie and laid back. You can keep it casual but when you dress up, you are as girly as the next girl.

How Feminine Are You?

oh.. i think i know that.. this is interesting..

You Are More Mild Than Wild

You're confident, and you really aren't concerned with how "hot" you are. Other people's ideas of what's sexy don't concern you. And this is exactly what makes you attractive.

Are You Hot?

Confident huh? not bad.. i like this quiz..

You Are a Fierce Femme

You have a wild side, and you aren't afraid to bring it out when the time is right. But you also know when to hang back and keep your "crazy chick" persona in check. In fact, some of your friends may be surprised to find out how far you can take it... You may look mild mannered, but it's all an act!

Are You a Daring Woman?

Never underestimate me people.. muahaha..

Guys Like That You're Sensitive

And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!

What Do Guys Like About You?

oh, oh, am i in trouble? haha.. anyone needs my ears? i can keep secrets very well u know?

You Are 70% Extrovert, 30% Introvert

You are quite outgoing You are a social connector - you know a ton of people While you aren't a wild extrovert, you are a great talker A fantastic storyteller, you keep everyone laughing

Are You An Extrovert or An Introvert?

No comment....*silent*

You are White Chocolate

You are White Chocolate You are sweet, caring, and truly very innocent. Whether your naive ways are a bit of act or not, people like to take care of you. You are a quiet flirt, and your power is often underestimated!

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

I don't understand, how can u be innocent but a good flirt at the same time?

Your Driving Is is: 59% Male, 41% Female

According to studies, you drive both like a guy and a girl. This means you're a pretty average driver, with typical quirks. Occasionally you're frustrated and or a little reckless, but that's the exception - not the norm.

Do You Drive Like a Guy or a Girl?

I think my family will agree on that.. do they?

You Will Be a Modern Bride!

While you aren't ready to throw away all wedding traditions, you want a wedding with a twist You're more inspired by celebrity weddings on E! than from bridal magazines Whether this means getting married on the beach barefoot or a mariachi band for the reception... Your wedding will be a blend of old and new - white dress cocktail, personalized vows, whatever suites you!!!

What Kind of Bride Will You Be?

Guys and my girl-friends.. pls take note for my future plannings.. thank you.

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Accepting

No matter what a friend says or does, you try your best to understand it. And your friends feel like they can tell you anything. You don't judge. You know that friendship is a journey - with a lot of ups and downs. If you and a friend grow apart, you get over it quickly... and leave the potential for future friendship open. You tend to have many friends from many walks of life. Anyone you meet is could become a friend. In fact, you are especially interested in people who are a little different than you. Seeing life from another perspective is something you cherish. Your friends need you most when: They can't turn to anyone else with their secrets You really can't be friends with: Dogmatic, stubborn people Your friendship quote: "Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes."

What Makes You a Good Friend?

And those who agree say 'i'.. I.....

Christmas..

Christmas is over and i was so busy and caught up with so many activities that i have no time to update my poor blog. Went for caroling, decent christmas parties, went to church and so much more. I will update more about it later but right now, i just wanna share to you all something that is really meaningful. This is from my sister-Amanda's blog and its just a short message on what Christmas is all about (ok, i know Christmas is over.. but this article that my sis wrote is so good and i just wanna share with you all).. simple but straight to the point..

*quote*

Christmas is Coming

I once asked a close friend of mine what Christmas is to her. She answered, "It's all about presents, turkey, santa, and booze!" It's not that she really don't know the true meaning of Christmas, cause I'm sure she knows, but I think she choose to ignore it.

At this time of the year, many of us become busy preparing for the special occasion. We shop for presents, send greeting cards to friends, buy Christmas clothes, and eat an elaborate dinner on Christmas night with either our family or friends. But do all these really explain Christmas? I'm not saying that putting up Christmas trees and exchanging presents with friends are wrong, because these things really help create the atmosphere for the holiday, which I love. But we sometimes get too carried away with trying to create the perfect Christmas that we forget about the main reason for Christmas, which is the birth of Jesus Christ. Talking about this reminds me of a story in the Bible in Luke 10:38-42. It is about Jesus visiting Martha and Mary's home. Mary sat at Jesus's feet listening to what he said while Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. Martha complained to Jesus because Mary was not helping, and Jesus answered, "You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Martha was so engrossed with the preparations, she forgot about the more impotant thing, which was getting to know Jesus and spending time with him. It's pretty much the same thing isn't it?

If you are a Christian, you most probably will go to church on Christmas morning to celebrate Jesus's birth. But after that, what do you do? Party at a friend's house? Shop for more clothes? Or take the advantage of a public holiday to sleep all day long? It's just like forgetting about the birthday boy right after his birthday party, and going ahead with the stuff you want to do with your other friends. I have to admit that I tend to forget the most important reason for Christmas too, and that I hope for as many presents as possible when come this time of the year. But I am going to try to focus this year. At least I tried to try.

John 3:16
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

God loves us so much that He is willing to send His only son Jesus to be born on this earth to suffer and die for us. Because he died for us, we can go to heaven if we believe in him. And Jesus was born on Christmas day. Have it ever occur to you that, without Christmas, we all will have to go to hell when we die?

*unquote*

Christmas is not about partying, people.. Its about the birth of the saviour that freed us from the consequences of being a sinner. Anyway, i hope you all have learned something and may this article benefits your life from today on... Time to go.. Chaos!

Grace Youth Camp 2007

I've been MIA for some time from the reality.. and it was just awesome!!! I just came back from a youth camp that was organised by my church. I know i'm a little too old to be classified as a 'youth' but i went there as a helper, a first-aider (actually i did not do much work on first aid as i have someone to assist me as well.. haha.. i was busy giving medicines though). Moreover, i have to pay to work.. haha.. but it was all worth it. This year's camp was jus great and i just don't feel like coming back to face the reality once again..

This year's camp was held in Cameron Highlands and there are more than 300 participants including the helpers and pastors. The response was overwhelming and we felt quite bad for not being able to bring everyone that signed up to the camp site. I thank god for my friends who encouraged me to go as i wasn't in the mood to attend this camp in the beginning. Felt old and no point going to a Youth camp, i've lost the passion... But now i found it back.

The camp lasted for 4 days 3 nights and most of us had not enough sleep (as usual in all camps) as the activities are jam-packed and there are so many things to do in order for the camp to run smoothly. Managed to catch up with some old friends whom i only meet once a year (during camps) and met some new ones as well.. I was quite blur during the praise and worship sessions as some of the songs are so new, i've never heard of it before. But being the fast learner i always am, i managed to catch up la.. (haha.. self praising abit..its my blog after all)

I do not wanna list out everything we did during the camp coz it might bore you all. The best is to experience yourself! Here are some pics i managed to get from the camp for your viewing pleasure (pls pardon me for some blur pics):

all of us in the camp!!!! more than 300 people!!

My youngest sister's (amanda) group-they named their team as Christmas Skyland. So fairy like..
The banner of Christmas Skyland.. I'm just amazed at their creativity.

My 2nd sis' (jessica) group- Opados (Greek word- means disciple)The land of Furious Flames' Banner.. i love the colour!

Another banner of another team called Teh Tarik Republic. I know it looks so much like Starbucks, but i just find it really cute! The hall is just too small to fit in everyone.. and everyone has to sit on the cold floor..

Look at the crowd and u can imagine how stuffy it was to be in there although we were in Cameron!

Me and 'Perky'- Jonathan Chandra. He's one of the most talented people i've ever met! He's just so gifted in the area of Multimedia.

During Skit Competition.. all groups have to act..

The most obscene Group name and banner of all time-Kampung Bikini Donuts. I have no idea what they are thinking..

Brother bear..

Those rare time i can catch my sis to take pic with me..

While waiting for the food to be served to us..

I call them the 'Posers'

Darren and me on the last day of camp! Great to know u chef!!! You been such a great company! This is my 'helper' during the camp for first aid.. Thank you David.. You've been a tremendous help!!!!! It was just nice hanging out with you.. I know your full name!!!!

My sister's group of friends.. they called themselves-JADJADJUMS.. i think its quite cool.. and they have been quite a noisy but lovely bunch..

Due to certain technical difficulties, i am not able to put up all the pics for you to see.. Bottom line, this camp was just awesome and I was there to experience the power and love of god moving tremendously among the youths. Can't wait for next year's camp.. Good bye GY camp 07.. Hello GY camp 08!!!

Matthew 16:24 – “If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me.”

Break-up sucks..

Really.. Break-up do sucks.. really bad.. whoever that told you that break-up is easy and told you that with no emotions, that person is either a player or just a heartless being.

It wasn't easy to let go a relationship especially when the 2 of you have been together for some time and there are so many sweet moments (not forgetting the bad moments as well) you had together as a couple. Dramas during and after quarrels always happen amongst couples.. it is the same for me. My relationship (well, my last relationship..) was quite a rocky 1 as some of you might know.. alot of dramas and disagreements between me and him..we broke up.. patched up.. broke up.. patched up.. and at last.. broke up!

It wasn't entirely his fault for causing this as i was the 1 that lied to him (but mind you, i did not cheat on him) in the beginning and refused to admit after he questioned few times.. (yes, i do lie.. christians are still humans dear.. we still do mistakes.. we are NOT perfect) But it was this HUGE quarrel a.k.a 3rd world war, that made us both realised that we are not suitable for each other. To cut the whole lengthy story short & sweet, we literrally shouted at each other and hurting words have been exchanged in the midst of the 'war'. It was scary to see myself engaging in such intense quarrel with someone i would like to consider as a 'possible future husband' in such beginning stage of a relationship. I did apologize for lying but he feels that i wasn't sincere and that i did not made an effort to calm him down.

Anyway, the relationship is over.. it was frustrating to know that he can't trust me and it was hurting to listen to what he has said during the quarrel. Being the emotional girl i had always been, i did cried like a new born baby.. requested my good friend to accompany me as i was feeling lost.. hopeless.. discouraged.. frustrated.. sad.. and i'm sure he was too.. i did hurt him and he did hurt me in return..

There's no right or wrong in a relationship but i guess we are brought up in a different environment, being exposed to the different world and have different characters. Although we have tried to put ourselves in each others' shoes, there are still differences that we can't understand. I believe he's a nice guy but maybe he's meant for some other girl/woman/ female. There's just too many differences between us that we had tried to overcome but failed.

It has been few days since the incident happened.. i'm doing pretty well right now and trying my very best to pick up the pieces and get my feet back on the ground. It wasn't easy really.. going to the cinema to watch 'Enchanted' with my friends 2 days back was just hard as i was so used to having him beside me and you know those nice endings on Disney movies... it really killed me.. Makes me wonder why our ending can't be like 'them'? Why my relationship has to be so sad? Why? why? Why? Too many questions that only god will know the answer..

I really wanna thank my friends for being there for me (you know who you are).. When i'm online blaming myself, when i need a shoulder to lean on, when i just need a lame joke to make me laugh, when all i want is some company, when i need a listening ear, when i need a wake up knock on my head and ya da ya da... You guys are the ones that really encouraged me and make me realise that there are still so many things i can do and should accomplish in my life. No more crying, no more blaming/criticising myself, no more dreaming/wishing of getting back together with him..

My family has been the pillar of strength to me.. My parents have been understanding on my situation and have been very patient. My sisters have been really sweet to me and really stood by my side when i was down.. I really thank god for them.. Without them, i think i might have considered other 'alternatives' on solving my depression.. (i know its bad.. but i'm being honest)

Last but not least, (i'm not trying to be religious but true from my heart) I really THANK GOD for his goodness and grace and love and patient and the list just goes on.. He hasn't abandoned me although i have done so many things against his commands and of course giving me another chance to move on with life.. By believing the existence of god gives me hope and the faith to carry on and not give up on myself..

Of course, i'm still in the midst of recovering and it will still take some time.. No more 20++ sms-es a day (ok ok.. maybe 30++).. No more calls from him just to hear my voice.. No more dates on the weekends (and weekdays also la..).. but don't worry about me.. I will be fine as i know there are many that care and worried about me. All i need is time to get this out of my head, get used to single life (again) and follow my dreams..

Goodbye attached-hood! Hello Singlehood!

*Putting the quarrels and disagreements at the side, there are things that he has done that really touched my heart and i will never forget.. I just wanna thank him for all the things he has done for me and all the sweet memories he has given me. Every step i have took in this relationship has moulded me to the person i am today. I still pray for him and may he finds the angel that will brighten up his day in the near future!*

Are you happy?

Life nowadays are so stressful and busy that most of us kindda forgotten how to be happy? Most of the time we are complaining that we are stressed up, tired, busy and bla bla bla.. How many of us actually sat down and ponder on what we actually have in our lives that we should thank God or at least thank our parents for?

I do complain about my life being hectic and stressful sometimes (ok ok, most of the time) and that there are times where I just ignore all the blessings I had in my life. I find it hard to be happy and be contended with what i have. I really have to repent and really think positive before God decides to take away all the blessings he had and will have for me. I never had enough money, but (repented) at least I have a comfortable single bed to sleep on, food to eat whenever I'm hungry, and a nice small cosy car to travel on when I have the urge to get out from the house. I never had enough time, but (repented) at least I have time to work, play and sleep for a day. I believe 24Hours is specially created for humans as it is not too long nor too short to go through. Even if we have 36Hours or 48hours, i think i will be sleeping through most of it and complaining why the time passes sooooooo slow.. Hahaha..

I used to always complain that my parents are too demanding and too naggy, but (repented long time ago) at least i still have them around to help me during my time of need, advice me about relationship problems, love me and shower me with yummy home-cooked dishes when i'm all tired after a days work. I used to hate my sisters for snatching away all the attentions that were used to be given to me from my relatives and grandparents (not forgetting my parents), but (repented) at least I'm not the one and only bored child in the family and they did spice up my life alot!!! They brought laughter (and tears as well) to me and i just can't imagine life without my two sisters. They can be a thorn in the a** sometimes but I just can't ignore and not love them.

There are many things in life we have took granted for.. I have repented and trying to appreciate all I have, have you? Take some time off to tell your parents how much you love them and appreciate them before it is too late.. if you are always stressed up, take some days off and go for a short holiday. Malaysia has so much to offer in terms of affordable vacation spots, take advantage of it. If you feel that you are not appreciated, take some time off to ask around whether you have done anything wrong and fix it! By sitting down there and complaining will not solve the problem. By starting off with small steps, you will find yourself happier and more contended with your life. Life is not that miserable after all.. if others can be happy, why not you? Tell me about your experience ya.. all the best in your path to repentance! *signing off*